Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
