Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
