Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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