all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
