even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
