So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
