we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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