I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
