sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
