your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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