so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
