I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
