I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
