atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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