I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
