nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
