I'm drive I can fine osifer
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
