Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was CRYING into my vagina
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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