I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
