Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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