hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
