I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
