i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
