All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
