At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
