Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
