I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
