I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
