Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
