If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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