He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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