Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my being single is dangerous.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize