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I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
