Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
