I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
