I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
