Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
