i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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