sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dicks are not precious.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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