On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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