dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
