I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
