You surviving the open bar?
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I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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