According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
