i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
