We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
