thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
