I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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