brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will pee on everything he values.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
