i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
