you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
