I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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