Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
