probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
