She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
