Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
