Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The beer is more important than you right now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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