Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
