id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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