We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
