So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
