forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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