I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
