i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
