dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize