Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
