i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
