ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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