I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
