Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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