My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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