I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
